💬 A Sunday with nothing planned after the worst week I've had this year

The week before last was the worst I've had at work this year. I counted 3 late nights and 2 skipped lunches. On Thursday the school called about my cousin's boy, whom I look after sometimes. Then my phone died. By Saturday evening I was too tired to even complain properly. I just lay on the sofa and said nothing. My mother, who was visiting, brought me tea without asking. I think she could see it on my face. Sunday I woke up at 9, which hasn't happened in about 6 months. No alarm, no phone call. The house was quiet. The sun was coming through the curtain in that slow way it does on weekends. I lay there for about 20 minutes just looking at the ceiling fan. I didn't pick up my phone. It felt strange, like I was trespassing in my own day. Nothing to do, nobody to answer to. I made tea, sat on the balcony and watched the lane wake up. The milk van, a man on a cycle. A kid in a school uniform walking really slowly, as if he knew he was on a day off. I thought about nothing. It's possible I've never done that before, deliberately. My mother made some khichdi for lunch and we ate it in front of the TV, with a cricket match on mute. I fell asleep on the sofa around 3 and woke up at 5. The week felt like it had happened to somebody else. Monday morning I was still tired, but a different kind of tired. A clean kind. I can't explain it. I'd forgotten what a day like that does for you. We don't give ourselves permission for it. Next time I'm planning one in advance, with nothing in it. I'll put it in my calendar. Do you ever do that? A day that's completely empty, on purpose, after something has drained you? I think I'd been ignoring how much I needed it. It's the cheapest fix in the world. Last Sunday my aunt called at 11 and asked what I was doing. I said nothing, and she was very concerned. I said no, it's good, it's really good. She still sent me a message asking if I was ill.

Quiet mornings do the opposite for me, too much stillness and my brain starts making a list of everything I am behind on that week.

I had one a couple of weekends ago, after a week where I barely sat down. Tea, a book, the balcony. Phone stayed in the other room till about 5. I kept thinking I'd forgotten something important. Turned out I hadn't. That was the whole point, and it took me until evening to believe it. I slept that night better than I have all month, which should tell me something.

My version was a nap. A 3 hour one, on a Saturday, after a week of weddings and visitors. I woke at 5 with no idea whether it was morning or evening. I lay there confused for a minute. Then I remembered nothing was due. I'd never felt that light. I'm planning to do the same this weekend, and nobody is allowed to call me.