⚖️ Found out my brother met the lawyer about dad's property without telling me

Sharing a room until you were fifteen makes this sting more, and your mother's comment about sons traditionally handling property adds a separate layer of frustration on top of the exclusion itself. Both things are valid to be upset about even though they are different issues. I would probably bring up the room sharing history directly with your brother, since that shared closeness makes the oversight harder to just brush off.

Sharing a room until fifteen and this still happening says more about unspoken assumptions than about him not caring, at least that is how I would read it. My own brother did something similar once, and when I asked to be included going forward instead of relitigating the missed conversation, he agreed pretty easily. Sometimes it really is more oversight than exclusion, but asking directly is the only way to know.

Something similar happened with my sister and me over our mother's savings account, found out through an aunt instead of directly from her, and the informal excuse stung more than the actual information did. What helped a little was bringing it up with my father instead of my sister, framed as wanting to understand the process myself, which avoided a direct confrontation with her while still getting me properly included going forward.

Found out through a cousin, not even directly from my own brother, that he had already met with a lawyer about how our father's property should eventually be divided, and this happened almost two months ago without anyone mentioning it to me at all. My father is still alive and in decent health for his age, so this was not even about an urgent immediate need, which makes it feel even stranger that I was left out of a conversation about something that affects me too. When I brought it up with my brother directly, he said it was just an informal chat to understand the process generally, nothing formal decided, and that he did not think it was a big deal to mention since nothing concrete had actually happened yet. I understand that logic technically, but the fact that he did not think to include me even casually in a conversation about our shared family assets says something about how he sees my role in these decisions, or at least that is how it feels to me right now. We were genuinely close growing up, shared a room until I was fifteen, used to cover for each other with our parents constantly, so this specific incident feels disproportionately hurtful compared to what it might look like from the outside as just one missed conversation. My mother thinks I am overreacting and that family property discussions are traditionally handled by sons anyway, which is a whole separate frustration I am trying not to get into right now. Have not brought this up with my father at all, mostly because I do not want to create tension between him and my brother over something that might genuinely have been an oversight rather than a deliberate exclusion, though a part of me still wonders if it was more deliberate than my brother is admitting. Anyone dealt with something like this in their own family, feeling left out of a decision that technically affects you just because of unspoken assumptions about who gets consulted? Would help to hear how you actually approached bringing it up without making the whole thing bigger than it maybe needs to be.