💬 How I found my voice after years of torment at my in-laws' house

My name is Sana, and I want to share what happened in my first years at my in-laws' house. I came there with a lot of hope. I thought my mother-in-law would be like my own mother, and that respect and love would win her heart. It did not turn out that way. She criticised everything I did. If I cooked, she said I did not know how to make anything properly. If I cleaned, she said I was only putting on a show. I worked from morning to night and she was never happy. Within a few months she became harsher. She humiliated me in front of others, said hurtful things about my parents' family, and blamed me for every small thing. Sometimes she did not give me food until I finished all the housework, and I would go to my room hungry and cry. My husband was often out of the house. When I told him, he said, do not hurt Ammi's feelings, you need to adjust. Every time I wanted him to understand, he ended up lecturing me instead. One day my mother-in-law pushed me in anger. I fell and injured my hand. That was when I understood it was not just harsh words anymore. It was cruelty. I was scared, but a little courage had started to grow too. I told my older sister everything. She said that enduring cruelty is not the same as patience, and that asking for help is nothing to be ashamed of. So I spoke to my husband, calmly but firmly. I said I wanted to save our home, but I could not accept being disrespected and hit. If he stood by me we could solve it together. If he stayed quiet, I would have to protect myself. Home felt different for a while after that, but I knew real change would come only when my boundaries were respected. I started keeping my documents and essentials separately, and stayed in touch with relatives I trusted. Life is still not easy. But I am no longer a woman who silently endures. A woman's dignity is not a favour anyone grants her. If you read this and see your own life in it, you are not alone. Put your safety first and talk to someone you trust.

In our society, women haven't received the position and respect they deserve. If a woman fights for her rightful place within her in-laws' household, she's often labelled disrespectful, yet if she stays silent, the in-laws often increase the mistreatment, taking silence as permission to continue. Raising your voice against injustice is necessary, otherwise a woman ends up spending her life dependent on the mercy of her in-laws and husband. Asking for your rights doesn't guarantee you'll receive them these days.

Reshma.sultana wrote:I really agree with you, sister.

Even a lot of people who have proper Islamic knowledge behave the same way in practice, which is disappointing to witness. My friend's house is close to a masjid, and the imam there apparently has a completely unacceptable attitude toward his own daughter-in-law at home, using harsh and disrespectful language with her regularly, which shows that knowledge alone isn't enough if it's not practiced with real sincerity and accountability.

shanazbegum wrote:People lack proper Islamic knowledge, that's why this happens. If they had it, they'd treat someone else's daughter like their own. So many households treat their daughter-in-law like household help.

I agree with you, sister. It's disheartening how often this pattern repeats across families, almost normalised over generations instead of being questioned. Proper religious understanding paired with basic decency would solve a lot of these household issues if people reflected on how they treat those living under their own roof.

shanazbegum wrote:People lack proper Islamic knowledge, that's why this happens. If they had it, they'd treat someone else's daughter like their own. So many households treat their daughter-in-law like household help.

Along with Islamic knowledge, general education matters as much here, a properly educated person, in the true sense, wouldn't behave this way toward another human being. It's a combination of religious understanding and basic human awareness that's missing in households where mistreatment continues generation after generation without anyone questioning it.

May Allah guide people like this, and if they refuse to change, may He simply put an end to whatever cruelty they're causing to those around them. It's disturbing how some people, especially those closest to a family through marriage, choose to make life miserable for someone who came into that home with nothing but good intentions. Reading stories like this makes me hope the person going through it finds real peace and support soon.

Sana, reading about your pain brought tears to my eyes, it's heartbreaking to see what you've had to go through. May Allah give you patience and strength during this difficult time in your life. Please remember that enduring every form of cruelty isn't something anyone is obligated to do, you deserve respect and peace just as much as anyone else, and you absolutely have the right to walk away from anything that takes that away from you.

In my opinion, a lot of this kind of behaviour happens simply because people lack proper Islamic knowledge and understanding of how a daughter-in-law should be treated within a household. If people had that knowledge and internalised it, they would treat someone else's daughter with the same respect and care they'd want for their own. Unfortunately, these days there are many households where the daughter-in-law is treated like household help rather than a member of the family who deserves dignity.

Sometimes someone else's betrayal isn't our failure at all, it says everything about their character and nothing about our worth as a person. By choosing yourself over staying with someone who clearly didn't deserve you, you achieved your real victory in this entire situation, even if it didn't feel that way in the moment. Hats off to you, sister, for having the strength to walk away and put yourself and your wellbeing first for once.