Three weeks now since the layoff and I still put on office clothes every morning and
leave the house at the same time and sit in the same coffee shop near Ameerpet refreshing
job portals like that counts as a plan, because my parents spent the last family wedding telling
everyone about the hike I got in March and I have no idea how to walk that
back without turning it into a whole extended family conversation about what I did wrong and what
I should do next, my father especially tends to spiral about money the second anything sounds uncertain
and I keep telling myself I am protecting him from that when really I think I
am just protecting myself from having to say the sentence out loud, I have enough savings for
maybe six more weeks if I stop ordering coffee at that shop and start bringing my own
thermos which is a small and slightly stupid thing to be calculating at this point in my
life, two interviews so far, one went well and then went quiet, the other was clearly never
going to work out but I said thank you for your time anyway because what else do
you say, some mornings I think today is the day I tell them and then I
get to the kitchen and my mother is humming something while making breakfast and I just cannot
be the one to stop that, so I put the shirt on again and I leave at
the same time again and somewhere around week five of this I am going to run out
of both money and plausible reasons to be gone all day, which is not a great plan,
if you can even call it one, but here we are, still pretending, still refreshing the same
three job sites, still coming home at six like clockwork like a man with somewhere to be.