My mother came over on Sunday, ate two servings of my mutton curry, and still managed to mention that my mother in law's version has "a certain something" mine is missing. Third time this month. I counted.
It's never the same dish either. Last week it was biryani, before that it was something as basic as dal. Doesn't matter what I cook, there's always a version of it somewhere in her sister in law's kitchen, or her neighbour's, or my husband's mother's, that apparently does it better.
My mother in law has met me maybe thirty times in six years and has never once compared my cooking to anyone else's. She just eats, says thank you, sometimes asks for the recipe. That's it. So it's not like this is a normal thing happening from both sides, it's coming from my own mother only, which somehow makes it sting more instead of less.
Told her straight up last month that it gets to me. She went quiet, said sorry, said she didn't realize. Two weeks later she was back at it over a plate of bagara baingan, completely unaware she was doing the exact thing she'd apologized for barely a fortnight earlier.
My husband thinks I'm overreacting since it's "just food." Easy for him to say, nobody's comparing his cooking to anything, and his mother lives four hundred kilometres away besides.
My sister says our mother has always done this, just with different targets over the years. Apparently she used to compare my aunt's cooking to some family friend's constantly before I was even married, so maybe this was never really about me or my mother in law specifically, just a habit that needed someone new to attach itself to.
Not looking to cut her off over this or make it into some huge thing. Just tired of bracing myself every time she walks in the door wondering what dish is getting compared today. Anyone else's parent do this weird thing where food becomes the whole scoreboard?